Papi Don't Preach

Did that Dude Just Ask About My Wife's Vagina?

2010-01-09T08:27:00.000-08:00

"How is Lucy doing down there?" he asked.

I looked to the left, shifted my weight, and thought about the question for a moment. No, he couldn't be asking about my wife's vagina after childbirth--no one would ask that question. Well, maybe a fictional one would. The Michael Scott character on The Office would probably ask such a question in such a way, but here I am at the hospital with one half of a couple we know well. My focus shifted from his shoulder to his face, and there it was, the sincerity of a person who was actually asking about the health of my wife's vagina.

Some people might have been offended by the question, but the truth is, I was delighted to have a story that I knew would make Lucy laugh. He is a good person and I knew he was genuinely concerned about Lucy. Still, Lucy and I have had such a tough week (more on that in a subsequent post), we needed the good laugh that the question brought us.

The question is funny on three levels. First, who asks someone specifically about his/her wife's vagina? Most people would simply ask, "how is she feeling?" Not this dude. Soon after I noted how great Lucy is doing, he told me that his wife was a "mess" after child birth. At first, I thought he was speaking to her emotional state but realized that he was speaking to the state of her vagina. Yes, he said his wife's "down there" was a "mess." If acronyms are your thing, then please put ... OMG, TMI, and/or WTF here.

Second, the use of the phrase "down there" cracks me up. I wonder his thought process for choosing it.

Now, I don't want to be inappropriate or vulgar. So, how about vajayjay? No, that's too played out. Maybe vagina would work. Nah, that's too clinical. Wait, I got it--down there is perfect, and classy!

Third, he is the husband of someone who wouldn't just laugh it off after a dose of embarrassment. She would be more than horrified. The two other people who have heard the story tell us that she can never know about it. While we agree, it will be difficult to remain quiet the next time she's having a good laugh at our expense. It's a shame that a zinger of such great quality will remain unuttered forever--well, as long as we can stand it.

Je M'appelle

2009-09-29T06:24:00.000-07:00

When a couple is expecting a baby, there are a myriad of topics to cover before the baby is born, but if I had to guess, I would say the area that receives the most attention is what to name the baby. Actually, no other issue seems to be as divisive before the baby is born (the disagreements over more important issues, such as the distribution of child rearing responsibilities, apparently come later!). More than a few of the couples I know have experienced at least a little friction over what to name their baby. My wife and I started discussing names before she was even pregnant, and we agreed quickly on a few. No friction, really. Still, along the way, we both came up with names that, at the very least, could be called unusual. Here are some of the most unusual. In the comments section, guess who proposed each name. The person who correctly guesses the most will receive a prize.

Bear (boy)
Kelly (boy)
Plumeria (girl)
Geronimo (boy)
Clover (girl)
Milo (boy)
Ryan (girl)

Gender Politics

2009-08-11T07:30:00.000-07:00

Almost everyone asks if we will find out before the birth whether we will be having a boy or girl. No, we say, we want to be surprised. However, Lucy is convinced the baby is a boy, but I am equally sure she is a girl. Since I am sure the baby is a girl, I have been thinking a lot about raising a girl. How will I help instill confidence in her while a large segment of our culture tries to teach her the wrong values (e.g. her value--and every other woman's value--is in her looks while men are judged on what they accomplish)? I have been thinking about what steps--both big and small--I can take to do more than offset the effects of our sexist culture. And if I am wrong, and the baby is a boy, how will I teach him the same ... and to be a feminist?

A Second Ultrasound

2009-08-10T05:31:00.000-07:00

The baby has started to move. I felt him or her swimming around yesterday. The speechlessness from that single moment lasted a full day. We will be going for a second ultrasound tomorrow. We had the first ultrasound early--around the eighth week. After the ultrasound, Lucy was upset because my reaction during the ultrasound was much different from what she had expected. Even after I asked her about how I should have reacted, she wasn't sure herself. All she (and I) knew was that my reaction came as a surprise to her. In retrospect, I can see that I should have showed more excitement, though. While I can fool people into thinking I am cool, calm, and collected, the truth is, I am a worrier. I was worried about the baby's health the entire ultrasound. When I heard the sound of the heartbeat, that gave me a moment of relief, but then I started thinking about other questions. For example, will the baby have a healthy heart or will it be like my dad's? Those questions preoccupied me when I was supposed to be having a moment of joy. Since then, I have tried to do a better job of worrying about the stuff within my control and letting go of the rest.