I looked to the left, shifted my weight, and thought about the question for a moment. No, he couldn't be asking about my wife's vagina after childbirth--no one would ask that question. Well, maybe a fictional one would. The Michael Scott character on The Office would probably ask such a question in such a way, but here I am at the hospital with one half of a couple we know well. My focus shifted from his shoulder to his face, and there it was, the sincerity of a person who was actually asking about the health of my wife's vagina.
Some people might have been offended by the question, but the truth is, I was delighted to have a story that I knew would make Lucy laugh. He is a good person and I knew he was genuinely concerned about Lucy. Still, Lucy and I have had such a tough week (more on that in a subsequent post), we needed the good laugh that the question brought us.
The question is funny on three levels. First, who asks someone specifically about his/her wife's vagina? Most people would simply ask, "how is she feeling?" Not this dude. Soon after I noted how great Lucy is doing, he told me that his wife was a "mess" after child birth. At first, I thought he was speaking to her emotional state but realized that he was speaking to the state of her vagina. Yes, he said his wife's "down there" was a "mess." If acronyms are your thing, then please put ... OMG, TMI, and/or WTF here.
Second, the use of the phrase "down there" cracks me up. I wonder his thought process for choosing it.
Now, I don't want to be inappropriate or vulgar. So, how about vajayjay? No, that's too played out. Maybe vagina would work. Nah, that's too clinical. Wait, I got it--down there is perfect, and classy!
Third, he is the husband of someone who wouldn't just laugh it off after a dose of embarrassment. She would be more than horrified. The two other people who have heard the story tell us that she can never know about it. While we agree, it will be difficult to remain quiet the next time she's having a good laugh at our expense. It's a shame that a zinger of such great quality will remain unuttered forever--well, as long as we can stand it.
